So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
