so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
