She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize