Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
