We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
