if you like me you must not know who I am
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
