so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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