I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
why do cheetos always look like penises
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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