Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You may now shotgun with the bride
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize