he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm always down for nudity.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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