Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
