You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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