Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
