I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
