I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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