I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
