In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
