I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's never too late to be topless.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
