1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
