gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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