Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
