Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
