no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
