if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
