scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
