Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
