Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
