The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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