I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
