good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
