he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
All I want is dick and wine.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
