You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
