yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize