am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
