okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
