he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
