I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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