i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am mentally ready for anal.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
