I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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