fuck your aforementioned shoe
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize