Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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