I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
