it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
