there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
