So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
