Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Life is so much better after having sex.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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