i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize