Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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