He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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