I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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