return my video game
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
