Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
