just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
