Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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