I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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