If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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