The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
