the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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