it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
