She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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