Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
