This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
