I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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