wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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