The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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