One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
