Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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