I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
