You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
