Your tits are I can't wait for
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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